Friday, May 5, 2017

Strength, Courage and Poop


“To love someone deeply gives you strength.
Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage.” – Lao Tzu

Five nights home from the hospital
getting used to the changes
my catheter is irritating my penis
making my pee red
all the doctors say it’s nothing to worry about
especially because I’m on blood thinners

during sleep I always seem to go delirious
at some point during the night
thinking I need to move my body
but I can’t

last night was my best night’s sleep
but I still had an hour of delirium
when I finally got out of bed
into my power chair
I slept deeply in the living room
when I woke up I was very groggy
I tried to eat and drink
my banana with peanut butter
my prune juice
but I had a tough time
kept choking

I had to go to the bathroom
for the last two days I’ve been pooping
every two hours or less
it’s exhausting
I’ve been going on our new shower chair
which doubles as a commode on wheels
it sits in our bedroom
but it still takes
at least three people
to help transfer me
from the power chair

during the night
we’ve been able to do
the bed transfer to the commode
with two people

my oldest brother Louis
left today
the last two nights
he helped with the night
it’s crazy that I’ve been pooping so much
I must have been so backed up

it was great to have Louis here
now that all my brothers have visited me
I’ve discovered that they all have ADD
can’t focus or they’re distracted by their I-phones
but really they were all very attentive and helpful
it ain’t easy taking care of me
I’m a pain in the ass
I keep everyone awake all night long
but not on purpose



Lindsie made us dinner last night
delicious lemon chicken
and roasted veggies
her husband Brian and daughter Sabine
joined us for dinner
Lindsie and I used to have a pact
to hug each other
at least three times a day
physically I can’t really hug anymore
but people can hug me

I don’t get to see her much
she runs our central kitchen
but we talked about her or Brian
coming to help me write
she told me last night
she’s always loved me
I wear my heart
on the outside

yesterday Randy brought me
a Hoyer lift
to pick me up
to put me down
my new purple nemesis
so now no more gait belt
except to put my pants on
no more being
moved by 3 or 4 people

I was just visited by Mary Pat and Al
I haven’t seen them in years
they were one of a few
sets of Andrews surrogate parents
when he was in Bozeman high school
we talked for over an hour
at the kitchen table
I said people need to take risks
get out of their comfort zone
Al said I bet you're out of your comfort zone
Mary Pat said that her life was richer
because of me
I replied that Al and her
always lived a very rich life
she said it was even richer now
more love coming my way
more courage coming my way

I just got a phone call
from Cheryl
another friend
I haven’t seen in years
giving me so much encouragement
love and courage


70 degrees and sunny on May 4th
we went for a walk
in the neighborhood
for over 2 hours

on our return to the house
we sat in the driveway
in the sun
put on the Mets game
on my iPhone

I needed to go poop
Howie pulled in
just in time
he took me up the ramp

once inside I asked
to take off my sunglasses
Jackie went to grab them
as Howie took them off my head

Howie ran over Jackie’s foot
she hollered in pain
we continued into the bedroom
where Howie broke a piece
of the chair’s armrest off

then they hooked me up
to the Hoyer lift
Jackie emptied my catheter
spilling a little on the carpet
because the bag got hit
when we went into the bedroom

so after a wonderful walk
seeing lots of people
when we went inside
things went bad

but at bedtime
I had my first solid normal poop
since the hospital
that is really good news
Jackie exclaimed, WOO HOO!
we laughed

1 comment:

  1. When I envision myself in the grand purple swing, I see a cranky old lady shouting obsenities while my Kardashian sized booty sways in the wind. Not at all like the handsome warrior with a bright smile. You wear it well, Marky!