Strength, Courage and Poop

5/3/2017

“To love someone deeply gives you strength.

Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage.” – Lao Tzu

Five nights home from the hospital

getting used to the changes

my catheter is irritating my penis

making my pee red

all the doctors say it’s nothing to worry about

especially because I’m on blood thinners

during sleep I always seem to go delirious

at some point during the night

thinking I need to move my body

but I can’t

last night was my best night’s sleep

but I still had an hour of delirium

when I finally got out of bed

into my power chair

I slept deeply in the living room

when I woke up I was very groggy

I tried to eat and drink

my banana with peanut butter

my prune juice

but I had a tough time

kept choking

I had to go to the bathroom

for the last two days I’ve been pooping

every two hours or less

it’s exhausting

I’ve been going on our new shower chair

which doubles as a commode on wheels

it sits in our bedroom

but it still takes

at least three people

to help transfer me

from the power chair

during the night

we’ve been able to do

the bed transfer to the commode

with two people

my oldest brother Louis

left today

the last two nights

he helped with the night

it’s crazy that I’ve been pooping so much

I must have been so backed up

it was great to have Louis here

now that all my brothers have visited me

I’ve discovered that they all have ADD

can’t focus or they’re distracted by their I-phones

but really they were all very attentive and helpful

it ain’t easy taking care of me

I’m a pain in the ass

I keep everyone awake all night long

but not on purpose

*

5/4/17

Lindsie made us dinner last night

delicious lemon chicken

and roasted veggies

her husband Brian and daughter Sabine

joined us for dinner

Lindsie and I used to have a pact

to hug each other

at least three times a day

physically I can’t really hug anymore

but people can hug me

I don’t get to see her much

she runs our central kitchen

but we talked about her or Brian

coming to help me write

she told me last night

she’s always loved me

I wear my heart

on the outside

yesterday Randy brought me

a Hoyer lift

to pick me up

to put me down

my new purple nemesis

so now no more gait belt

except to put my pants on

no more being

moved by 3 or 4 people

I was just visited by Mary Pat and Al

I haven’t seen them in years

they were one of a few

sets of Andrews surrogate parents

when he was in Bozeman high school

we talked for over an hour

at the kitchen table
I said people need to take risks
get out of their comfort zone
Al said I bet you're out of your comfort zone

Mary Pat said that her life was richer

because of me

I replied that Al and her

always lived a very rich life

she said it was even richer now

more love coming my way

more courage coming my way

I just got a phone call

from Cheryl

another friend

I haven’t seen in years

giving me so much encouragement

love and courage

*

70 degrees and sunny on May 4^th

unbelievable

we went for a walk

in the neighborhood

for over 2 hours

on our return to the house

we sat in the driveway

in the sun

put on the Mets game

on my iPhone

I needed to go poop

Howie pulled in

just in time

he took me up the ramp

once inside I asked

to take off my sunglasses

Jackie went to grab them

as Howie took them off my head

Howie ran over Jackie’s foot

she hollered in pain

we continued into the bedroom

where Howie broke a piece

of the chair’s armrest off

then they hooked me up

to the Hoyer lift

Jackie emptied my catheter

spilling a little on the carpet

because the bag got hit

when we went into the bedroom

so after a wonderful walk

seeing lots of people

when we went inside

things went bad

but at bedtime

I had my first solid normal poop

since the hospital

that is really good news

Jackie exclaimed, WOO HOO!

we laughed