Saturday, January 14, 2017

We Make Plans and God Laughs

We Make Plans and God Laughs

spent my appointment with Josh
talking about my travel anxiety
my need to observe the world spin around me
not partake, not get involved
stay in the moment, be mindful

“I have arrived, I am home
in the here and in the now
I am solid, I am free
in the ultimate, I dwell”

mantra/poem by Thich Nhat Hanh
in his book You Are Here

that has been my mantra of late
I have memorized it
I keep talking about it
I breathe it
I think it as I try to sleep
as I try to stay calm

Josh worked on my alignment, my circulation
supporting my need to be mindful of the world
but to stay detached from the craziness
the hustle and bustle that surrounds me

as always I left my session
much calmer and centered
feeling much better about my plane rides to Florida
with Micah on Saturday

Barbara was waiting for me at the counter
and immediately said – you had a good session
I can tell

Alisun, my naturopath was at the counter as well,
I’ve been on the phone with Jackie all morning
it looks like we can get you enrolled
in a clinical trial for NP001

I started crying, gently, it was so hopeful
I am so touched by Alisun’s effort into my care

Barbara helped me pay, and carry my vitamins to the car
she helped me navigate my way to the car
and into the car
we were running out of time between appointments
I drank some water, ate an apple
as she drove me to Andy, my therapist

Barbara tried to park the car parallel to the curb
it was super snowy out and navigating my way to the sidewalk
from the car was not easy, a young angel woman walking by
helped Barbara get me out of the car and into the office
it was not easy

Andy and dog Walter were awaiting my arrival
after getting me seated and elevated on the couch
we started the session with a meditation
Andy helped me with my seated posture
I talked about my feet being swollen
the speech therapist who operated on fear
how she scared us and hurt my spirit
how western medicine operates this way
how I have chosen for an eastern approach

Andy was so so supportive,
Josh, Sarah, Lauren, Alisun and I
can all help you keep your voice and your breath

we talked about Micah and our trip to Florida
about mindfulness and living in the moment
and Thich Nhat Hanh

he noticed my neck was sore
he asked me to think of someone nurturing,
my mother… oh mom…

Andy put my shoes back on and my coat
helped me get up off the couch
steadied me on my walker
opened the door
and Barbara was standing right there
Do you have another appointment right now?
Barbara looked a bit distraught
Well, Micah is O.K., he was in a ski accident
but he’s O.K. , he broke his patella and lacerated his knee
Jackie is driving him to the hospital
which should make you happy, no ambulance bill
I was walking with my walker, gently crying
Barbara said, you’re handling this much better than I thought
well, you told me really well
so we don’t know what we are doing now do we?

after I got into the car I bawled for a minute
releasing my stress with tears

we went to the co-op parking lot
Barbara got us some soup
we ate in the car
then we met Jackie and Micah
at the entrance to the emergency room
my car pulled up next to Jackie’s
window to window

Micah looked fine. he cried out of disappointment
I told him, it was o.k., shit happens
I love you Micah, you’re going to be fine
we will spend time together in our house
since the knee was cut open
they had to do the surgery right away
Barbara helped Jackie get Micah out of the car

we drove home

Barbara and I arrived at home
slowly we navigated me out of the car
to my walker and into the house
there was one precarious moment
when I almost lost hold of the bannister
while Barb brought my walker up the steps

that moment of trepidation
resonated with me
the need to be mindful
don’t make things worse

then one step at a time into the house
and straight to my bed
minutes later friends arrived
and they helped get my shoes off
my coat off, my pants off
then to the bathroom
then back to bed

John and Barbara went up the mountain to get Micah’s car
Laura and Gabby made dinner
Nettie, Ellie and Ben arrived
while I rested
they were all planning on coming to dinner
before Micah’s ski accident
for a college send off for Ben & Gabby
so this dinner was still happening with a twist

when John got back to the house
with his help, I got undressed
took a shower, shaved
got dressed
joined the party
me and 6 friends
all holding us up with their loving hearts

We have amazing friends

Micah’s surgery was a success
I went to bed early at 10:30
Jackie got home around 11:30

I woke up came out to see her
said goodnight to the Michels 

and went back to bed

post surgery sushi from Gail

two new screws put his knee back together

the next day

Jackie took Buddy for a walk on a bluebird day
so today instead of flying to Florida
Micah and I watched football together