6 am, been laying in bed tossing and turning most of the night, not able to sleep, more like a half sleep, half awake, but now fully awake, did some work on the computer, which I won't have to do when I go in to work in a couple of hours if not sooner, since I'm already awake and out of bed, but probably will go lay down for another hour or so, just to get a little more rest. There's another order on the computer - people looking for groceries delivered by noon. Should be able to make that happen, but it does change my day a little bit. Too much adrenaline working I think is what's going on with me. I do get tired, but my mind is still wired. Had to do the associated order last night and that gets me thinking I should have ordered more orange juice, I still can order more if I want to, let it go, let it go, go with your initial instincts. Plus all the delivering, the putting away, the phone calls, the e-mails, the website, the orders in, the orders out, the drama in the deli, the incredible amount of physical labor that has to happen in a busy grocery/deli, all the cardboard, the customers, the transactions, the inventory going in and going out, all those items we sell, how do we keep track of it all, on and on, no wonder I can't sleep.

Christmas 2009

Christmas Afternoon, 2:00pm. Just looked at our store e-mails and there are 2 orders for today, that came in about an hour ago, for today, no phone call, no please in the comments section, no tips, just me me me me, the american self centered, i want it and i want it now. People. I guess I just don't want my employees to have a stressful day so would wish that others would feel that way. Actually I'm not sure what I think, or what I want, but I am thinking I might have to go down to the store and help for an hour or so...

Boys are downstairs they were playing the wii, but it now sounds like they are playing pool, mom is down there with them. Last night we watched the new Woodstock movie, interesting to watch, one of those half documentary half fiction, creating a new history, a couple of times they flashed the Happy Ave sign, making Jackie and I nostalgic for the house upstate where we were married soon to be sold...

Just walked the dogs, Nettie saw me walking, turned into the neighborhood and stopped to wish me a Merry Christmas, which was very nice of her on her way to Bozeman to spend Christmas with her brother and to have dinner with the Greenes... Those crazy neighborhood dogs barked and barked at me as we stood talking and then as I continued walking by. Lightly snowing, sunny and only 20 degrees today as opposed to the below zero weather yesterday.

Busy day in the store Christmas Eve. Actually a bit insane. 4 pick up orders. Plus 2 major truckloads of groceries, plus 3 deliveries and then a 4th later on. Store aisles full of groceries to be put away, plus wagons of shoppers and of our own shopping for deliveries, but in the end everything got done, put away, delivered, put back in order... Also trying to figure out what produce to order for Saturday based on out of stocks and what was flying out the door. Crazy double work-a-days, that's how I refer to what other people call holidays...

Last night got home around 7pm, Jackie and I made burgers and baked yams for dinner, sat around the table and talked, then had a pool tournament which didn't go off so well because Howie lost to Micah, and Howie cannot handle losing to Micah or Andrew and just went off the deep end of no return ridiculousness full of fake tears and screams, which is what I'm afraid might happen again downstairs, but for now sounds peaceful. After the pool tournament and Howie finally calmed down to some sort of mellowness we opened up presents from family. And then we watched the Woodstock movie, Howie and Micah both fell asleep watching it pretty much soon after it started.

Then after making room for Santa Claus, Jackie and I finally went to bed around 2 am.

to be woken up by Howie and Micah a little bit after 8am, but we prolonged the morning having coffee and breakfast, before opening the abundance of presents under the tree. It was nice because we didn't finish opening up presents until sometime after 11 am, the boys went down to play Wii, I watched the end of the Knicks basketball game, Micah joining me for most of the last quarter. My Dad called me back during the 4th quarter so I got him to watch the final minutes, the Knicks almost came back to win, but lost.

After the game is when I took the dogs for a walk. Taking my cell phone with me contiplating calling the Welch's for a Merry Christmas wish, which after seeing Nettie, I did call, leaving a message for them on their machine. Lots of memories from 10 -17 years ago flashing through me head. An image of me laying on the couch in our little t.v. room in our condo, balled up in the fetal position crying after the terrible news of Uncle Howie and cousin Rachel, driving through the snowstorm to get a phone number from the store which wasn't there, cross country skiing a couple of days after Thanksgiving over a week later, did they really stay in Big Sky that long?

Now home, feeling melancholy, writing, so lucky, so lucky, so lucky, unbelievable fortunate, almost embarrassingly fortunate, what a family, what boys, what a place to live, lots of books to read, poems to read and write, stories to read and write, a family and friends to love.

7th night of Hanukah. Banana bread in the oven. Yesterday was Howie's piano recital. Tonight was the last Middle School Basketball game of the season, Micah had a couple of nice baskets. His team won, it was an easy win. Spaghetti feed fundraiser at the school after the game. Howie got his head gear for his braces today. And most importantly Jackie received a big white envelope from the White House, a gold Presidential Seal on the outside, Seasons Greetings from Barack and Michele Obama on the inside while I received a Season's Greetings postcard from Montana Senator Jon Tester and his family. The store is starting to get busy. On my feet all day, running up the mountain with 4 deliveries. It looks like Christmas is going to happen after all, now we just have to survive the fast paced crazy busy. And fit in all the holiday fun as well!

December, ugh, it's been a month since I've blogged on. I haven't been in the reporting mood, I'm wanting to try an overview instead of a detailed day by day minute by minute report. However, I know if I get started I will again get bogged down in the details of everyday life. I should be focusing on little incidents and writing poems. But it is December, when the store takes over and if it doesn't take over than the stress of it not being busy enough takes over.

Lots going on with my Dad. We are in the middle of a deal on the house upstate, a signed contract with a closing before the New Year. The house Jackie and I were married at, a mile from where the Woodstock concert took place, more details once the house sells, for now we will hope for the best. Dad would like to not have that responsibility anymore. We will see what happens. Ben took Dad to have his melanoma removed by a surgeon - I think that was December 2nd. I just spoke to him and he says it still hurts, he's supposed to get the stitches removed tomorrow. He says he thought he saw a couple of trickles of blood on his chest today, not sure how he can see that, but we will see how it goes tomorrow. Louis took him for a couple of follow up appointments with his eye doctor and his stomach doctor. Nothing major to report there, except that his stomach doc told him it's O.K. if he only needs to go every other day.

Wednesday Dad leaves for Florida...

My birthday was a couple of weeks ago. 48. Somehow that number bugs me a little bit. I had a very nice birthday, worked half a day, I hung out at the house, Jackie and the boys had a meet the ski coach thing in the evening, so I stayed home and made dinner, then we had a very nice meal and a surprise cake...

I guess I've been journaling a little bit on my computer, but just haven't been to the blog...

Thanksgiving was with Grandma Peggy and we all had a very stuffing weekend with lots and lots of food and friends.

Saturday, Ronald from Kenya showed up in Big Sky - we knew he was back in the States - but we didn't expect him to walk in the door. He showed up at the store and Lauren tracked us down and Ronald surprised Jackie. Made her day. It was really nice to see him and his friend Eldon from Bozeman who was hosting him for the moment. Very interesting conversation about Eldon's company which has designed and will be manufacturing "fold up" plastic refugee hexagon housing.

We hope to see lots of Ronald while he is in town!

And so that catches things up a little bit. December always is the too much at once month with Christmas, a busy store, and visitors and friends and parties and school programs and kids basketball games, and never enough time...

though somehow I find myself alone at the kitchen table, the boys downstairs watching t.v. and Jackie out at women's book club, and Buddy outside barking...