Today was Yom Kippur. 13th anniversary of my mother's death. This year I ended up not going to services at all for the high holidays. On Rosh Hashana we were at dinner at The Bay with friends and Grandpa Stan (Dad) fainted out of his chair. He was fine, I never panicked, but emergency services did arrive and checked him out and wanted to take him to the hospital, but we refused. He had very low blood pressure, but really he just needed to lay down, so I ended up driving him home. Jackie and the boys went to synagogue with our friends and Stan and I went back to his house and I slept over and kept an eye on him. In the morning he was tired, but he was doing just fine.
Last night we were going to go to services, but Howie was really sick, so we were hoping to go this morning, and he seemed better, but not 100% so after debating what to do we decided to go. A little more than half way there (synagogue is an hour drive from our house) Howie said he was feeling nauseous so I pulled over and let him out of the car. He didn't throw up, but the poor kid looked awful so Jackie let him sit up front and I decided to turn around and go home. I was feeling guilty that I wasn't going to services at all, but it was out of my control. We drove home, shook off the hour plus drive and figured out how to get our solemn holiday back on track.
When we got home I decided to clean the wood floors, something I hadn't done since June. In order for me to think sometimes I need to have the semblance of a clean house. Plus to help clean my soul I like starting with cleaning my house. It works. After cleaning the floors and doing a little dusting Jackie and I sat down for coffee and I ate some breakfast. Can't think with headache. Jackie and I sat on the porch, it was absolutely beautiful out. The sun was out, the fall colors are happening, and Howie was sound asleep. He slept from the time we got home until after 3 pm. The boy was sick and needed rest. Jackie and I sat on the porch and we talked. We self reflected, we reflected about each other, our marriage, our children, our store, opportunities, Howie's upcoming Bar Mitzvah, what the High Holidays mean to us. It was really special. We hardly ever just share a cup of coffee and chat. It was so so nice. Relaxing, meaningful and reassuring.
I realized that when I was a kid the High Holidays were a test of endurance. Can you fast for 24 hours? Can you endure sitting in services for the entire day? Can you be quiet during the sermon? As an adult the High Holidays have truly become a time to reflect, to be grateful, to think of ways to improve, to make sure things are going the way they should, to think about one's path. Services usually help jump start that process, I guess this year just trying to go to services helped me begin self-reflecting...
It's the fall. It is a very natural time of year to think. We usually have a little more time to ourselves, the store is a little less demanding, at least we don't need to be there as much. The fall is also full of memories, Micah was born on September 19th, 1996. Mom died on Yom Kippur, September 20, 1999. My Uncle Howie and cousin Rachel died in a car crash on November 22nd, 1996. Rachel's birthday was September 20th. A lot of memories come to mind in the fall, it is a time I find myself thinking a lot and hopefully writing more. It is the time of year I have to take time for myself, I have to relax, I have to rest up, I have to get psyched up for yet another winter...
Jackie left for town around 3:30. She teaches her birthing class on Wednesdays and today is a Wednesday. Howie got up around then as well and I made him some mac and cheese. He was looking much better and had an appetite. Buddy and I took a walk from the house down to the river and went fishing. I felt very relaxed, waded into the middle of the river and caught 5 fish. It was awesome. Walked back home and arrived around 6 pm, just before Micah arrived back home from football practice after 2 days of a school camping trip. He looked great. We made dinner, watched some baseball, ate dinner, and relaxed. And now I'm blogging again. This is a start... here are some pics from today...
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