Saturday, May 13, 2017

May 10, 2017 Thirty-first Anniversary


I met Jackie
thirty-one years ago today
it was my friend, Roger’s
twenty-fifth birthday party
I spent that entire day
at the Jewish Theological Seminary
working on a magazine
some friends and I
were going to publish
called “The Deal”
five o’clock rolled around
Instead of going home to change
I decided to take
my magazine friends
to the party early
Roger had the prototype ready
of Poetry at P.S. 25
a collection of poetry
written by my students
at the elementary school
where I taught in Bed-Sty

I was the first to arrive
at the party
in the end
I was the last to leave
what I remember most
was passing around
Poetry at P.S. 25
getting rave reviews
from all the party-goers

nine months earlier
I had broken up
with my live-in girlfriend
of four years
after holing up and reading
Dostyevsky’s The Idiot
I was finally ready to let go
I must have gotten five
phone numbers that night

it was a random hallway meeting 
around midnight
a pretty blond with pink lips
and glasses
introduced to me by
Roger’s girlfriend, Elaine
I stood there in my
red bud lite tank top
and jean shorts with
the zipper halfway down
laughing uncontrollably
Elaine commented that
she never noticed 
my deep brown 
puppy dog eyes before
It must have been those eyes
maybe the sexy outfit
that attracted the pretty blond

at the end of the party
I found myself
sitting with
Roger and Elaine
the blond
and two other guys
both of whom also
had their eyes on this girl
when they walked her to get a cab
I stayed back
I had already gotten
her number and planned
to call her at work the next morning

 

Wedding Vows

I’m getting married in a month or so. Sometimes I feel excited about it, other times I feel numb. My fiancĂ©e has been out of wack. Her face is covered with pimples. Her vagina itches. Her period is coming. Her breath smells. When she gets into bed she farts. Her shoulders and neck are in knots. She walks like she has vertigo. She tripped over our dog fence, fell on a glass jar and ended up with 5 stitches in her right palm. She tried on her wedding dress and she burst into tears. She lost the engagement ring I bought her last New Year’s. She hates her job. She blames everything on her job. She’s quitting as soon as we’re married. She wants me to keep telling her she’s beautiful.

In the meantime I need to write my wedding vows, something to say to her before I giver her her wedding ring. She’s already written hers; about how I make her laugh, how I make her feel comfortable and safe and how we’re not “serious.” I don’t know what to write. I can’t get past sentimental memories like how we met at a party. How I told her gently rubbing her wrist that her chocolate chop cookies were delicious, rolling the word delicious around my tongue, how she told me her work number 3 times, repeating it like an operator, that’s 247-0100, that’s 247-0100, how I called her the next morning and how we went out the next night for a day and a half.


Three poems from Poetry at P.S. 25

Mr. Robin smells so good like perfume.
He smells so good that he can
make the flowers smell
so so so so good.
He smells like a rose.
He smells just like me. 
Oh my, Mr. Robin

Shanta McNeil
2nd Grade

Mr. Robin has bad breath.
It smells sour
And his underarms smell like smelly socks.
He lives in a garbage can.
And he eats catfish in the garbage.
His feet smell disgusting and musty.
He eats dogs and cats.
He cooks worms.
He has the baddest breath in Brooklyn.
He is one of the Garbage Pail Kids, Disgusting Justin
He smells like a pig.
He likes raw fish.
He eats snail soup.
He smells like a skunk.
He is so stinky like inside a shoe.
He smells like garbage.
He eats roach soup, cat soup, rat soup, and fly soup
He is nastiest, dumbest person in the world.

Dianne Marra
5th Grade

Sometimes I wish I had not been born.
I wish I were a millionare.
I wish I were a dog because everyone wants to fight me.
     but I do not care. It takes a dog to find a dog.
Every time I fight someone who always picks on me I beat
     their butt.
I wish I were God's child so I would not be like this.
I wish I would behave so I can get my education.
I wish that sometimes I would be away from here so I 
     can get more. 

Athena Wells
5th Grade

My Poems from "The Deal"

Luck

I buy salad and grapes
the grocer rings it up
the price is $3.02
I give the grocer a 5 dollar bill
he gives my back 7 dollars
I take it - look at it
and think did I give him a ten?
I take my money out of my pocket
look at it - no I didn't
I gave him a five
but I walk away
accept his mistake as my luck
then stop again and check my money
think of going back
I feel guilty because he was watching 
my bicycle for me while I shopped
but that was so I could spend more
I decide the extra money is mine
to make up for his high prices
will I go to hell for this?

Courage

It's laundry day
I stop at the supermarket
to buy detergent
today is a big day for me
I've decided to switch detergents
to switch from powder Tide
to liquid Wisk
how many times have I thought of switching
but didn't have the courage?
it was easier to keep 
using what I was used to
but my mother told me
that liquid Wisk was the best
even she had switched
and my clothes have been itchy lately
so I'm at the supermarket looking
and of all days
they are all out of Wisk!
but no I am determined 
my mind is made up
I will not buy Tide
I will find a bottle of Wisk
or I will wear filthy stench-ridden clothes
I go to the corner grocery 
not only do they have Wisk
but it's on sale!
a sure sign from God
I'm doing the right thing

Friday, May 12, 2017

Just Another Day

yesterday began
with my appointment 
with my urologist
on Tuesday I had 
a very uncomfortable
test of my bladder
Dr. Sauerwein 
had the results in hand

my bladder has been 
weakened by the ALS
I needed a 
supra “duper” pubic catheter
a permanent catheter 
installed in my belly
he’s going to do this next Thursday

the following week
I’ll be in Salt Lake City
getting a feeding tube installed
and attending my
second ALS clinic

the old in and out
feeding tube
on one side
of my belly
a pee tube on the other

after our appointment
we met Gail
at Sunset Hills Cemetery
behind Lindley Park
Gail had options
picked out for me
in the Jewish section

the grass was bright green
surrounded by trees
Gail explained to us
she had visited
at different
times of the day
the plots we were looking at
had shade from a tall pine tree
in the afternoon

we could install
a nice stone bench
under the tree
we discussed the
feng shui of the spot
settled on 4 plots
by the tree

I had decided earlier
I preferred burial to cremation
I am a traditional guy
once decision was made
it was time for lunch
four of us
to Starky’s Deli
jackie’s dad and uncle
visiting us for the week
joined us for the day
matzoh ball soup and a corned beef sandwich

owned by friends of ours
who had no idea about me
they were in shock
sat with us as much as they could
ended up buying us lunch
with a note on the bill
that said, “Do not argue!
We are honored that you came
to lunch w/us!”

after our long meal
a trip to the courthouse
they did not accept my vote
last election even though
Jackie included
her power of attorney
there was a form
I needed to fill out
ironic since I can’t write anymore

finally an unplanned
visit to Gail and Alex’s
so I could ventilate
exhausted from the day
I laid in my power chair
in their relaxation room
surrounded by art
ventilated
while Jackie
rubbed my feet

stopped to pick up
Jack and Gordie
at the downtown brew pub
we didn’t get home
until almost 9 pm

just another day



















Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Inspired


I was walking in the neighborhood with Laura
Karin and Jason drove by
they pulled over
got out of their car
as did their kids

Karin was so happy to see me
she was crying
they told me I inspire them
they were living their lives differently now

Jason told me they read
my hospital post
on Tuesday
bought Karin a plane ticket
on Wednesday
she flew to Austin
on Thursday

she sang in a studio
for the first time
original music
written by a friend

*
My Little Secrets by mostlygood https://soundcloud.com/mostlygood/my-little-secrets on #SoundCloud

*Here are the lyrics:

If I hurt myself today would you notice
just a little tiny cut on my thigh
Just a little tiny hole in my heart
My Little secrets my little secrets my little secrets                  Make me lie

If I scream in the darkness will you feel me
like a reckless shard of glass in your eye like a reckless pointy spur in your back my little secrets   my little secrets   
my little secrets               make me lie
I stole the hope from your innocent blue eyes
my little secrets my little secrets never die
now you're tangled in my twisted web of lies
just when you see the light I've got one more surprise

If I curl up in a ball will you keep me
I'll be writhing naked ball on your floor I'll be a writhing iron shackle in your life my little secrets my little secrets
my little secrets                  make me a lie

(guitarist Mike McKinley)


Monday, May 8, 2017

Family Outing to YNP


we flew the boys in for the weekend
they arrived Saturday afternoon
we hung around the house
Sunday at 2pm during the rain
we left for Yellowstone National Park
when we got there it was sunny
we drove to Old Faithful
walked towards Daisy
but didn't get there in time

it's been great to have them home
we had a wonderful day in the park
Andrew and Micah leave today


























Friday, May 5, 2017

Strength, Courage and Poop


5/3/2017

“To love someone deeply gives you strength.
Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage.” – Lao Tzu

Five nights home from the hospital
getting used to the changes
my catheter is irritating my penis
making my pee red
all the doctors say it’s nothing to worry about
especially because I’m on blood thinners

during sleep I always seem to go delirious
at some point during the night
thinking I need to move my body
but I can’t

last night was my best night’s sleep
but I still had an hour of delirium
when I finally got out of bed
into my power chair
I slept deeply in the living room
when I woke up I was very groggy
I tried to eat and drink
my banana with peanut butter
my prune juice
but I had a tough time
kept choking

I had to go to the bathroom
for the last two days I’ve been pooping
every two hours or less
it’s exhausting
I’ve been going on our new shower chair
which doubles as a commode on wheels
it sits in our bedroom
but it still takes
at least three people
to help transfer me
from the power chair

during the night
we’ve been able to do
the bed transfer to the commode
with two people

my oldest brother Louis
left today
the last two nights
he helped with the night
it’s crazy that I’ve been pooping so much
I must have been so backed up

it was great to have Louis here
now that all my brothers have visited me
I’ve discovered that they all have ADD
can’t focus or they’re distracted by their I-phones
but really they were all very attentive and helpful
it ain’t easy taking care of me
I’m a pain in the ass
I keep everyone awake all night long
but not on purpose

*

5/4/17

Lindsie made us dinner last night
delicious lemon chicken
and roasted veggies
her husband Brian and daughter Sabine
joined us for dinner
Lindsie and I used to have a pact
to hug each other
at least three times a day
physically I can’t really hug anymore
but people can hug me

I don’t get to see her much
she runs our central kitchen
but we talked about her or Brian
coming to help me write
she told me last night
she’s always loved me
I wear my heart
on the outside

yesterday Randy brought me
a Hoyer lift
to pick me up
to put me down
my new purple nemesis
so now no more gait belt
except to put my pants on
no more being
moved by 3 or 4 people

I was just visited by Mary Pat and Al
I haven’t seen them in years
they were one of a few
sets of Andrews surrogate parents
when he was in Bozeman high school
we talked for over an hour
at the kitchen table
I said people need to take risks
get out of their comfort zone
Al said I bet you're out of your comfort zone
Mary Pat said that her life was richer
because of me
I replied that Al and her
always lived a very rich life
she said it was even richer now
more love coming my way
more courage coming my way

I just got a phone call
from Cheryl
another friend
I haven’t seen in years
giving me so much encouragement
love and courage

*

70 degrees and sunny on May 4th
unbelievable
we went for a walk
in the neighborhood
for over 2 hours

on our return to the house
we sat in the driveway
in the sun
put on the Mets game
on my iPhone

I needed to go poop
Howie pulled in
just in time
he took me up the ramp

once inside I asked
to take off my sunglasses
Jackie went to grab them
as Howie took them off my head

Howie ran over Jackie’s foot
she hollered in pain
we continued into the bedroom
where Howie broke a piece
of the chair’s armrest off

then they hooked me up
to the Hoyer lift
Jackie emptied my catheter
spilling a little on the carpet
because the bag got hit
when we went into the bedroom

so after a wonderful walk
seeing lots of people
when we went inside
things went bad

but at bedtime
I had my first solid normal poop
since the hospital
that is really good news
Jackie exclaimed, WOO HOO!
we laughed